Read Funny Short Stories to avoid The Burbing Breathe of Boredom

My post-pregnancy body is on a downward spiral: - Belly, previously a prized possession: now a deflated balloon. - Eye socket skin: threatening to release eyeballs if I don't sleep soon. - Hair: untended, unwashed, limp. - More hanging body parts hanging out in my recovery mesh underpants. Tummy-grabbing, nana-knickers, courtesy of St Mary's Hospital, after a painfully natural birth. (Disclosure: Turns out that these disposable undies, un-disposed of, are far comfy-er than the skimpy red ones I wore at conception. And, in the gospel according to this mama, they have earned their own sanitized brand of "sexy": over-washing has worn the mesh full of additional holes. Hubby, however, needs convincing of this theory.) Thankfully, there are two things, well three, that defy the droopy nature of my 'new mama' style. Firstly, introducing...drum roll... - Double-threat, bulbous bazoongas:  Phenomenal fertile factories of milk. Milk that could easily be mista...

An early morning diaper change, barely awake. I remove the diaper, and check the contents - nothing extraordinary. Tossing the diaper into the trash over my shoulder, I yawn and pluck a couple wet wipes. I got this. Half-asleep, 5am, no problemo. I could do this baby business blindfolded now. Baby  Boy looks at me, cooing, in a happy morning mood. Through my own morning misery, my lips can't help but break a smile, breaking my lip crust (after having drooled through two whole hours of uninterrupted sleep, following Feeding #10 at 3am). This morning, I learn this vital lesson:  - Have Your Next Diaper Ready Before you Undo the Last Suddenly, I am bombarded by simultaneous eruptions of spurting poop-lava and a warm pee-fountain. I swiftly field two additional streams of hissing poop, as they squirt furiously in various directions, using only wet wipes as shields. I am gravely under-armed. As calm gradually returns to the scene, I contemplate the anti-climactic clean-up. ...